BREAKING NEWS: Sources Tell ESPN The Sun Will RiseTomorrow

Bristol, CT- Sources at ESPN have been informed that the sun will rise tomorrow. It was unclear how the network got their hands on such a highly classified piece of information until super sleuth Chris Mortensen appeared on Sportscenter last night to take ownership of the story. Speaking to Scott Van Pelt, who was busy making sure Mort wasn't actually being impersonated by a Howard Stern employee, Mortensen did not spare any of the salacious details.

"My sources around the league have confirmed that the sun will indeed be rising tomorrow. This was not something easy to break because you wanna be spot on when it's a story this big so I made sure to confirm and reconfirm it before coming on the show Scott."

After expressing astonishment and interrupting the report to promote Mortensen's blog as well as the ESPN website, fantasy leagues, classic sports channel, ESPN 2, and a bowling competition coming up Sunday morning, Van Pelt pried another whopper out of his subject.

"Not only have multiple league wide sources confirmed the rising of the sun but they spoke with much greater specificity Scott. According to some well placed moles, the sun will be coming up in the EAST and setting in the WEST."

At that point Van Pelt broke into a state of multiple pro-longed orgasm not unlike those associated with tantric sex and began screeming the names of ESPN programs while speaking in tongues. He was then dunked in holy water by Chris Berman who was able to administer the said dunking while holding an entire six foot party hero in his left hand.

There have been no official statements put out by the the network yet but if the sun does rise tomorrow it will continue a streak of 4 billion consecutive sun rises and put it just 1 billion appearances short of the all time record held by the clock ESPN shows to promote various unintersting programs coming up on the network.