Newark- A riot broke out at Newark International Airport yesterday after a bomb scare brought forty thousand New Jersey Nets Fans to the threatened terminal in hopes of being part of an explosion. The incident marked the latest in a seemingly endless parade of black eyes for both the embattled airline industry as well as the woebegone NBA franchise.
According to officials, the trouble started when a dispatcher at the Port Authority of NY/NJ recieved a threatening call mentioning a plastic explosive causing higher ups decided to evacuate Terminal C as a precautionary measure. It was at that point that news of the scare reached the airwaves, inspiring thousands of fans of the NBA's worst team to simultaneously decend on the airport in hopes of finding a way out of the teams troubles more reliable than the NBA Lottery.
It took over 400 police officers and National Guardsmen to turn away the angry mob after they stormed the terminal demanding access as a bomb team performed a sweep. When the crowd refused to back down, authorities were forced to resort to tear gas and water cannons to quell the unrest.
"I've never seen anything like it" said red faced Federal Aviation Spokesperson Tim Depauw. "I mean here we are trying to get all of the travelers out in an orderly fashion and all of a sudden a sea of Nets Jerseys just swallows the apron outside the terminal. There's no excuse, we got us a 4-48 ball team down the road from here and we need to be more vigilant. I mean christ, these boys are 3-21 at HOME this year! If that won't make you go looking for the almighty I don't know what will. Whole thing scared the bejesus out of me but thankfully we had the tear gas and the water cannons that we usually use for downtown Newark twice a day. Whew, that was a close one."
As the water cannons bulldozed one and all fans stood in defiance chanting things such as "four and fourty eight an explosion sounds great" and "No Lebron, No Wade, What we Need is a (expletive) grenade."
Miraculously no deaths were reported in the melee although there were twelve injuries reported as well as fourty thousand hurt feelings.
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