Don't Wait For My Parking Spot at The Gym

Now I know you'd never know from looking at me but I actually belong to a gym. Do I seriously think I'll ever be in any kind of shape? Hell no but I feel like I owe it to the poor bastards who cross paths with me to atleast make an effort. It's the least I can do. I mean after all, we're all in this life fiasco together and we should take every chance we get to help one another. The way I see it if you don't feel an obligation to make yourself a little easier on the eyes then you should atleast make yourself a little more entertaining for the people you've turned your back on. You wanna weigh four balloons? Fine. But do me a favor and walk down the street double fisting Suzie Q's. Bare hand some lomein. Give us a few laughs and show us what bein' four balloons is all about goshdang it!!! Then atleast you'll contribute something to the universe besides uncomfortable moments for everyone in the room that watches you put your ass in the front stomach onto your desk when you sit down in your cubicle.
Wich brings us back to the gym. I know january is a really crowded month in the gym because everyone has made their new year's resolutions and I'm fine with it. I have no problem with all the people who've gone out and bought matching new everything to wear to their sessions with their new trainer. I can even deal with the weird guys that show up in jeans and run on a treadmill. (there are some spanish dudes in my gym that even have dress shoes on!!!) But what I can't tolerate are the people in the parking lot who follow me to my car and wait for the closest parking space possible!!! It drives me insane.
You know the deal, you walk out of the gym and all of a sudden there's a mini van lurking behind you at on mile an hour like a chase scene in a Steve McQueen movie is about to break out. Sometimes I wanna sprint off and see if they follow me. Go against traffic, knock over a fruit stand (its not a true chase scene without one). Maybe fire a few rounds at them and do a barrel role behind a parked van. Anything to make it seem like it isn't exactly what it is. A person who is going to the gym to workout yet somehow wasting ten minutes to get the closest parking spot possible.
I get doing it at the mall. I understand doing it at the movies on a saturday night. But at the gym? The whole point of going is to get exercise!! If your trying to weed out the extra twenty feet of walking your pretty much conceding that exercise isn't a high priority. Again, I am no show pony. But you don't have to be a show pony to know a retarded act when you see one. So lets make a rule. I know nobody can agree on healthcare, the designated hitter, or wether or not we should have a playoff in college football but surely we can all agree that waiting for the close spot at the gym should be banned. If you agree say aye' and if you disagree just go back to bare handing lomein.