If your like me your past the point of wondering wether or not you should text "HAITI" to 90999 and your now at the point where your just nervous that your fourteen month old has sent it an additional 87 times while playing with your phone. For the record, I know I'm safe because they make you reply a second time to verify the charges and I know by that point (15 seconds) Lincoln has already moved on to eating the phone. (we're damn proud of the kid, he's got valedictorian written all over him)
The reason I bring up HAITI donations is not because I wanted to prove I ponied up my ten (I'm totally going on second hand info here) but to wonder where the hell Tiger Wood's big bad murderers row of a public relations team is on this bad boy? I mean this is the goodwill opportunity of a lifetime for a guy in his predicament with his financial wherewithal!!!!
Think about it, right now everyone thinks he's a yambag (gotta love big word tuesdays) but if he were to donate a much needed 100 million (sorry rush) to the cause people would reverse course on the Tiger bashing faster than you could say.... anything really fast. (we don't do the witty analogy thing) I know alot of people would see this for the obvious pr move that it is but that's why they call them obvious pr moves....THEY FREAKIN' WORK!!!! And this one would REALLY work. It would give Tiger watchers something to discuss besides the measurements of the waitstaff at Perkins and for the first time in 2 months Tiger would get some positive press. ESPN alone would show Tiger so many times you'd start to think he was related to Brett Favre. It would be a monster headline in every paper. The world would salute him, the talk show circuit would beg him to come and why? Because money talks. Fair or unfair. That's how the game is played and the parade of legal seagulls that are extorting, ahem, advising him have gotta know this.
Don't even mention the amount of money because if he donated a hundred mill the positive buzz would be so huge he'd get every sponsor he lost back on board and then some and the money would be a push before groundhog day. But instead what do they come up with? Sex rehab! That's right, sex rehab. Supposedly Tiger is in sex rehab in Hattiesburg Mississippi right now. That's the story they let out while the pr maneuver of the century just sits on the curb, head in hands, like a stood up girl in a 50's sitcom. Pretty soon we'll get updates on his progress and the glowing reviews of how dedicated he is to not drilling rent a car clerks behind dumpsters but it won't do anything for his image. Especially once he leaves Hattiesburg and runs into some actual good looking people!!!!!!! Way to go Team Tiger, you really defecated the bed on this one but there is some good news. While Lincoln may have digested my phone while I was typing this he didn't get to yours yet. Start Texting. By my math that's a hundred thousand texts. Even if you disagree with my pr strategy entirely at least you'll have something to do in Hattiesburg.
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